This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
