the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
