I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
