sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
