it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
