Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
