marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
