You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
