I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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