sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pants are for mortals
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
