the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
