i just had sex bonerless
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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