i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
