I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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