Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
