I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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