it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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