i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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