Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
