I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
