im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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