i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
