OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
