K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
