I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
