Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
