You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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