i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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