you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My vagina is officially offended.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
