I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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