I will die if light touches me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
