so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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