i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
