I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
