I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
