Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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