No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
