Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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