guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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