apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Randomize
