When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
