YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
