dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
