Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
