I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
