i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
time to smoke my breakfast
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
