Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
