Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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