i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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