I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
