just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
