weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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